11/4/13—Changing Bad Habits

Today's Draw: Death/Transformation from the Dark Crystal Illuminated Tarot Glitter Baby, accompanied by Tree and Gingerbread Man from Tierney's Charms. Do you have a health concern that you're kind of in denial about? Is there some monkey you've been carrying around on your back for too long now? Is it time to do something about it?

Today's message is pretty clearly for me. But perhaps you have something to relate it to. Death is all about change and transformation. And he's riding in to remind me to transform my heath, specifically as far as sweets go. 

See, every year around Halloween, I get this urge to get healthy and lose weight. Then around a week later, Halloween comes and I gorge on candy for days. Then I feel bad about blowing it. Then I just go back to the old routine. I hate to be such a textbook case of self sabotage. And I hate to play the negative tapes over in my head again. 

Maybe a cookie will make me feel better. 

So that's my gingerbread man. But I think most of us have a gingerbread man of one sort or another. Maybe we overspend. Or drink. Or work too much. It doesn't have to be an "addiction" either. It can just be a monkey on our back. 

You may not know this, but I happen to be an expert in monkeys on backs. I tend to over-think things, so even something as simple as going to a store I've never been to requires maps and charted routes and other research. Or it can be something large, like my AC. I have lived in my house for 13 years and I spend every summer worrying if this year will be the year my AC fails. It comes close nearly every year, but since I don't have the money to replace it, I just pay for the house calls and small fixes that keep it going. Anyway, it did finally break this summer. I could have fixed it again, but this time I had the money. So a new AC is in and the monkey is off my back.

But with every funky noise or false start my old AC would make each summer, worry would set in. And worry changes the chemicals in your brain and the negative energy makes previously healthy hormones and chemicals, just a tad toxic. And slowly these things that hang over your head can do actual physical damage to your body. 

While my doctor can measure the effects of sugar on my body over time, nobody measures the affect of worry, anxiety, fear, etc....feelings we have every day. I've had so many things in my life that I put off until it drives me crazy because I either don't know how or am afraid of making a wrong choice or whatever. Some of it I blame on my father...haha. We never had a repairman in our houses growing up. My dad could fix everything. So it's kind of burned in my mind that a repairman is absolute last resort. So I try to fix stuff sometimes and when I can't, I torture myself with all the variables of finding someone who can. And that usually leaves something broken a very long time. Then every time I pass the broken thing, it sets off the anxiety....it's a vicious cycle. 

So now you all know my many neuroses...haha. Clearly I don't have a neurosis about exposing my neuroses, though. Which is good, because it makes others like me feel less alone...haha. Married people can often just pass the responsibility for these things off to the spouse, but I have to handle all the new roofs, new sheds, plumbing, car inspections and other crap I am not qualified to handle by myself. And while I'm a very smart, fearless, resourceful person in some areas of my life, domestic concerns are certainly not my forte. 

So Death/Transformation with the charms come to remind us of those things that weigh upon us and the damage they can do physically and mentally. And if you have a major health concern, like my diabetes, Death comes to tell us it's time to take it by the reigns. 

Humans are really good about forgetting or denying the unpalatable parts of our life, burying them deep in our thoughts where they bother us least. But they're there, simmering and dripping their toxins, just on a less conscious level. It's time to put an end to all of this. The next card after Death in tarot's major arcana is Temperance or balance. Get rid of all of this noise and clutter inside our heads and we can reach that place of balance, both physically and mentally.