In Part 1 of this blog post, I wrote about breastfeeding as a tool of politics and my preference to refer to this activity as nursing as a means of comforting my baby. Part 2 continues the story by offering a glimpse into my former way of thinking when I first got married and highlighting the positive effects of changing my thinking.
Original Thought to Not Have Children
When I first married my husband in 1998, I took a leap of faith that he would be the one for me. He took an even bigger leap of faith. We both risked getting into a marriage with differing viewpoints on children. My husband desperately wanted children, I did not.
I had been dead set against the prospects of having children because frankly, I did not care for them. When I was a child, kids were ruthlessly cruel to me, treating me poorly and making fun of me for nearly 18 years — a Neanderthal precursor to today’s bullying. I couldn’t stand kids, so why poison my life by having one of my own? Heaven forbid!
At the time I married my husband, my biggest desire in life was to have a rich, stimulating, rewarding career as an attorney. Let’s just say that dream did not work out. More on that failed dream later…
Time Changes Thoughts — Yes to Baby!
As the years went by, our marriage flourished, blossoming from tiny seeds into a full-grown apple tree. The only thing that was missing was little apple tree shrubs of our own.
Time, maturity, and closeness to my soulmate husband eventually changed me, leaving me to desire having children as much as my husband did when we first married. Our dreams changed. Our thoughts changed. We each grew and changed in different ways.
With no specific turning point in my life, I slowly began to view children in a different light. They began to make me smile, and in some cases, laugh out loud. I was able to relate to their silliness and free thinking. I began wanting to have a child of my own, but the new pressing question was whether I could physically have a child.
Spiritually, we were aligned in thought and prayer, but physically, would God allow me to conceive and deliver a live, healthy baby? The answer became a resounding yes, times two, but not before undergoing numerous medical situations.
Those were tentative times for us, trying to conceive a child with the hope of delivering a living, healthy baby, when all around us, real-life horror stories of miscarriages, stillbirths, and other such disgusting fertility stories came into our conversations. But, our faith got us through it. We conceived and delivered two beautiful, healthy, living baby girls.
God allowed it to happen, and because he allowed it, I am assured that both girls were meant to be a part of our lives. I am reminded every single time of this miracle when I nurse my baby. Through my eyes of faith, I thank God for allowing me to have one thought, the idea of not wanting children, and giving me time and space to evolve my thought patterns on my own.
Faith Through Nursing
The peek-a-boo costume of faith has veiled across my baby, like silky layers of fabric from an Indian sari, leaving its beauty in my eyes to behold it. Unpeeling the layers, I have grown to understand that my baby was not just a miracle and a gift from God given to me, but the result of having faith in the unknown.
Did my original thoughts against having children ruin my life? Would I ever have a baby despite having poor thoughts to the contrary? Why should I deserve a baby when I never wanted one and then changed my mind? Faith is the patient teacher who answered those questions in the positive.
Faith works in mysterious ways in our lives where we least expect it. It has brightened my life as a sunny reminder of how I changed perspectives on the idea of having children. Faith helps me to have gratitude to God for giving me not one, but two big blessings in my life of two living, healthy girls.
Have you ever used faith in a situation where you held beliefs or perspectives in one direction and then changed them? How did you feel after you changed?