25 Things I Am Thankful For
#20: That my gym doesn't take attendance.
I'm such a cliché’. You probably expect me to write about gratitude on this Thanksgiving day so I intend to do just that. But since comedienne Elayne Boosler's attitude of gratitude is funnier than mine, I will let her kick things off.
Here’s what she expressed thanks for in a Huffington Post piece:
I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.
I am thankful that every person in Congress who wants to set women and minorities back, repeal freedom of choice, deny marriage to loving couples, or abolish sex education, will surely and without a doubt, eventually be caught in a public restroom or strip club or hotel with a very chatty hooker who cannot wait to appear on Good Morning America.
I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.
I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.
I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of imnd. The key is "Delete."
As for my list, here are 25 Things I am Thankful For, leaving out the obvious mentions of family, friends, military servicemembers and good health. In no particular order:
1. That my name’s not Paula Broadwell
2. People who call me “Miss” instead of “Ma’am"
3. The service person who is supposed to arrive between 9-12 and shows up at 9
4. Lime-flavored Tostitos
5. Heated car seats and a key that remotely starts my vehicle
6. The one time my kids unloaded the dishwasher without me having to ask.
7. That my livelihood has no connection to Twinkies
8. Modern Family
9. My crock pot
10. Adult beverages
11. No more calls from Mitt Romney
12. Cyber Monday, because I stopped doing Black Friday years ago after some Neanderthal tried to rip (unsuccessfully) the last Nintendo DS out of my hands at a Best Buy
13. Sweatpants, especially today
14. My Beltway BFF — NPR
15. That the neighbor who used to let his dog poop in my yard and never picked it up, moved. (Let the record reflect that I am not talking about Pete and Bubba. I’m referencing the other neighbor that moved, the guy who wore the clogs.)
16. Daniel Craig
17. The Safeway clerk who carded me and then said, “Wow, really?” (But now that I think about it, she could have been thinking, “Wow, really? I thought you were WAY older than that.”)
18. That my kid only got suspended instead of expelled — long story
19. RG III and Bryce Harper
20. That my gym doesn’t take attendance
21. That I am not homeschooling
22. Awesome next-door neighbors who are quick with a cup of sugar and a cup of cheer
23. Favorable lighting
24. That I didn't think of "Twilight" or "50 Shades of Grey" first. The fame and fortune would have been such a drag.
25. And, lastly but certainly not least-ly…I am thankful for the handful of people, besides my mother and father, who read and comment on my weekly column.
In conclusion, I’ll end with another blog post that had a great summary of Thanksgiving Day gratitude, “Let’s all be thankful for the people we spend the holidays with, the people we wish we could spend the holidays with, and the people we really are glad we don’t have to spend the holidays with.”
Happy Thanksgiving Patch readers! Let us know what you're thankful for and let the tryptophan food comas commence.